Have you ever felt like just throwing in the towel? Like you just want to become a hermit crab and disappear. That has been me lately ...........
I started writing this post on December 9, and here I am almost two months later (020617) finishing it up. I still feel the same way. Right now I am going through what seems to be the hardest time financially I've had. Spiritually I have been struggling as well. I'm not struggling with my belief in God, more so with whether he see's me or not. I know it's silly and I know better, but I am human and we have our trying times.
I use to think I was alone when going through things like this. I would seclude myself and turn away from every and anyone who could see I was hurting or stressed. Holding everything inside and merely brushing it off like it was nothing. I learned how to survive, how to put on this mask and remain cool. This time around I am dealing. Well at least beginning to deal with things.
It's okay to be human and wonder sometimes. It's okay to cry out to God and ask "where are you". Look for him in all the places you know how and then wait on his response. Even through this stretching period I know he's right there. Even the times when I don't want to pick up my bible, or can't bring myself to pray because all I want to do is lay there. I still feel his loving arms wrap around me and a still, small whisper reassure me he is still right here by my side.
We tend to let our emotions get the best of us in times like this... I know I do. If we could just hold on a little tighter, press through a little harder, and believe a little longer we will make it. I know it seems impossible at the time; you may even be going through something similar as you are reading this, you can't give up. WE CAN'T GIVE UP! There is a purpose in this struggle. Whether it is lack in finances, relationship issues, health issues YOU GOT THIS.
Don't look down on yourself because you can't see the light right now and it looks hopeless. Don't think you are unworthy because you can't bring yourself to pray or read your bible right now. Learn to simply cry out to God even if it is in a whisper and the Holy Spirit goes forth for you. God see's you, he isn't disappointed in you because you aren't as strong as you thought you were. There is purpose in this struggle and we will make it.
I repeat... WE WILL MAKE IT!!!
I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. 2 I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. 3 And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— 4 was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell. 5 I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. 6 Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, 7 or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:1-9)