Wounded.

As I sit here typing on my iPhone, trying to ignore the pain shooting through my left wrist I can't help but wonder, how did I get here? I am not the Alexa I was a few months ago. The strong girl has somehow seemed to fly away gradually and I didn't even notice... until now! I've done the very thing I vowed I wouldn't do. I have lost myself. How did this happen? 

David is one of my favorite people in the Bible. They say he was a man after God's own heart. I Agree. You know what I love about David? He's a jacked up mess and stayed that way his whole life. Now I know what you are thinking. "Lex why would you condone his constant mess ups. Heck! He got another mans wife pregnant and then killed the man!!" I love David because he is me and if you look closely he is you too.

David lost himself so many times throughout the Bible I don't see how God still deemed him worthy (how great is our forgiving Father)! I mean honestly, some of the things David did I just knew he was headed straight to the lake of fire. Every time he got out of one situation here came another. I wonder if he knew all he would get into that day he came in the house as a mere Shepard boy. I know I never imagined myself here a year ago. 

Let me stop to tell y'all how great my God is!! He has blessed me beyond belief over this past year, new job, new car, new place to live, peace & quiet! YES LORD! THANK YOU LORD! 

Why do I feel so down? 

Physically I am not in the best shape. With still no answers from doctors. Spiritually I can't say I have been giving God the time he deserves. This single life is becoming a little stressful. I'm about to be 26 September 9th y'all. This wasn't in the plan. I was "supposed" to be married. And everyone seems to be flourishing but me. I feel a lot like David right now.. LOST. 

There's beauty in the lost moments of your life ... it means you are available and in need of being found. It's the perfect time for God to swoop in and wreck you all over again. I'm so ready for the wrecking. The intimacy with God that I use to not be able to function without. The rekindled love that I blew out because of my unwillingness to push through. I am David, completely stripped, completely vulnerable, and completely found.

Are you?

- Alexa Gabrielle


“I run to you, GOD; I run for dear life. Don’t let me down! Take me seriously this time! Get down on my level and listen, and please—no procrastination! Your granite cave a hiding place, your high cliff aerie a place of safety.

You’re my cave to hide in, my cliff to climb. Be my safe leader, be my true mountain guide. Free me from hidden traps; I want to hide in you. I’ve put my life in your hands. You won’t drop me, you’ll never let me down.

I hate all this silly religion, but you, GOD, I trust. I’m leaping and singing in the circle of your love; you saw my pain, you disarmed my tormentors, You didn’t leave me in their clutches but gave me room to breathe. Be kind to me, GOD — I’m in deep, deep trouble again. I’ve cried my eyes out; I feel hollow inside. My life leaks away, groan by groan; my years fade out in sighs. My troubles have worn me out, turned my bones to powder. To my enemies I’m a monster; I’m ridiculed by the neighbors. My friends are horrified; they cross the street to avoid me. They want to blot me from memory, forget me like a corpse in a grave, discard me like a broken dish in the trash. The street-talk gossip has me “criminally insane”! Behind locked doors they plot how to ruin me for good.

Desperate, I throw myself on you: you are my God! Hour by hour I place my days in your hand, safe from the hands out to get me. Warm me, your servant, with a smile; save me because you love me. Don’t embarrass me by not showing up; I’ve given you plenty of notice. Embarrass the wicked, stand them up, leave them stupidly shaking their heads as they drift down to hell. Gag those loudmouthed liars who heckle me, your follower, with jeers and catcalls.

What a stack of blessing you have piled up for those who worship you, Ready and waiting for all who run to you to escape an unkind world. You hide them safely away from the opposition. As you slam the door on those oily, mocking faces, you silence the poisonous gossip. Blessed GOD! His love is the wonder of the world. Trapped by a siege, I panicked. “Out of sight, out of mind,” I said. But you heard me say it, you heard and listened.

Love GOD, all you saints; GOD takes care of all who stay close to him, But he pays back in full those arrogant enough to go it alone. Be brave. Be strong. Don’t give up. Expect GOD to get here soon.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭31:1-24‬ ‭

 

Struggling

Have you ever felt like just throwing in the towel? Like you just want to become a hermit crab and disappear. That has been me lately ...........


I started writing this post on December 9, and here I am almost two months later (020617) finishing it up. I still feel the same way. Right now I am going through what seems to be the hardest time financially I've had. Spiritually I have been struggling as well. I'm not struggling with my belief in God, more so with whether he see's me or not. I know it's silly and I know better, but I am human and we have our trying times. 

I use to think I was alone when going through things like this. I would seclude myself and turn away from every and anyone who could see I was hurting or stressed. Holding everything inside and merely brushing it off like it was nothing. I learned how to survive, how to put on this mask and remain cool. This time around I am dealing. Well at least beginning to deal with things. 

It's okay to be human and wonder sometimes. It's okay to cry out to God and ask "where are you". Look for him in all the places you know how and then wait on his response. Even through this stretching period I know he's right there. Even the times when I don't want to pick up my bible, or can't bring myself to pray because all I want to do is lay there. I still feel his loving arms wrap around me and a still, small whisper reassure me he is still right here by my side. 

We tend to let our emotions get the best of us in times like this... I know I do. If we could just hold on a little tighter, press through a little harder, and believe a little longer we will make it. I know it seems impossible at the time; you may even be going through something similar as you are reading this, you can't give up. WE CAN'T GIVE UP! There is a purpose in this struggle. Whether it is lack in finances, relationship issues, health issues YOU GOT THIS. 

Don't look down on yourself because you can't see the light right now and it looks hopeless. Don't think you are unworthy because you can't bring yourself to pray or read your bible right now. Learn to simply cry out to God even if it is in a whisper and the Holy Spirit goes forth for you. God see's you, he isn't disappointed in you because you aren't as strong as you thought you were. There is purpose in this struggle and we will make it. 

I repeat... WE WILL MAKE IT!!! 

xo

Alexa Gabrielle


I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. 2 I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. 3 And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— 4 was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell. 5 I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. 6 Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, 7 or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:1-9)

Thankful With Little.

Thanksgiving is in less than two days and this year feels so different than last. 365 days ago I was still recovering from an unexpected break up and working full time at a job I had already mentally checked out of. My finances were in a good place and I had begun saving up as I always wanted. Fast forward to the present and everything has changed.

This year although I am in a much better place emotionally and have quit that full time job to pursue my dream of starting a branding/photography business, it has definitely taken a hit on my finances. As you may or may not know if this is your first post viewing of mine, I quit my full time management job back in March 2016 after much contemplating and going back and forth between my feelings, faith, and fear. I always knew I wanted to work within creative directing and had a few idea's. When God put it on my heart to let go and trust him it was not the easiest. Don't get me wrong I trust him with all of my heart, but I am only human and I fall short sometimes.

Thanksgiving in my house is always seen as a time of reflecting and going around the table to say what we are thankful for. I have so much that I can honestly say I am blessed with. If others looked at my situation they would say "how are you happy now struggling to build a business and having to be stretched in so many areas?". I am thankful that my "yes" to walking in God's will for my life was a true "YES".

I know right now may be rough for me financially and my time is filled with a lot of trial and error but God is teaching me how to stand in this building season, and I have finally begun to take a couple steps. Before you know it I will be off and running. The old "Lex" would have been off and running in the other direction (Can we take a moment and thank God for growth .. HALLELUH). With all of that being said I just want to encourage you as you read these words DO NOT GIVE UP. Whether you are exactly where you want to be, on your way, or haven't even started yet, be thankful for the growth you have made thus far. Be hopeful for the things of the future and grateful for the mysteries of right now. Things can always be worse but keep in mind when a sling shot is used the rock must get stretched backwards before propelling forward.

Be hopeful for the things of the future and grateful for the mysteries of right now.
— Alexa Gabrielle

Selective Patience is Ruining My Capacity to Love!

They say "patience is a virtue" and boy have I been pruned in that area. I am what you call a person with "selective patience". I have no issue waiting for the things of God or to get something big I want. My patience with people on the other hand is slim to none. I know it's bad and I promise I am working on it. One area I have noticed that my patience, or lack of patience has been affecting is my capacity to love another. 

If you have read or watched my testimony video before (click here if you have not) then you will know that my past is not pretty nor anything that the normal person would want to put on display for all of the internet to see. Luckily I'm not a normal person. But nevertheless if you do know about my past then you see how far I have come and how God has moved in my life. If I could pull everybody out of their dark places I would without hesitation.

Seeing others with so much potential using it for wrong irks my soul. I tend to be hard on others in my mind and heart and often find my thoughts sounding a lot like "They know better than to do that", "they look stupid", "when will they get tired of being stuck", "I'm not going to say anything to them because they obviously like being in this place" etc! I know what you are thinking I sound like a horrible person, but hey, I am just being honest. Don't act like you haven't thought some of those same thoughts as well.

Now that I have confessed one of my deep dark secrets let me say I know this .. the devil wants nothing more than for me to become so discouraged and disgusted about others that I begin to love them less and despise them more. Jesus didn't run from the people who were in the dark place, he ran to them. I have no stones to cast and I am no better than the ones who haven't found Jesus just yet; The only difference between them and I is my choice to say yes to all God has for me. 

I know I am not the only one who struggles with this and I wanted to let you know that if you do don't let it overtake you and ruin your witness.

Love others who aren’t free so much so that you become their ticket to true freedom.
— Alexa Gabrielle

Remember where you once were and what opened the door for you to finally say YES! Every time you have a judgmental thought combat it with a loving thought and even reach out to the person in love and let them know you are praying for them and that they are loved. There are so many lost souls out here who are just waiting for someone to pull them closer and not push them away in judgement. Will you be the one?


1 but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.

2 At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women.Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this question as a trap,in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

11 “No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,”Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.” 

(John 8: 1-11)

 

The Fight to Unplug.

This morning I woke up, touched my phone, and it completely shut down for hours. Now my battery has been a wreck for about a month, but I bought a mophie case and it worked fine. That was until this morning when my phone decided it would display a battery sign every time I pressed the home button. If that wasn't enough of a not so well start to my morning, then the power went out on my street for a couple hours, no power + no phone = no WiFi, television, phone calls, basically no communication with anyone outside of my home. I was left sitting on the couch finally reading a book that I had been wanting to read for a few weeks. 

Apart of me was happy that I didn't have any means of communication for those hours. It gave me a chance to relax, disconnect, and spend time doing the things that electronics get in the way of. Now the other part of me was "low key" going crazy. Although I truly wanted to disconnect I couldn't fully accomplish that task. My mind was so use to multi-tasking that when it no longer had to it didn't know how to shut itself down and focus on the book.

What God has revealed to me through the events of this morning is "the fight we all hold to simply unplug". When it comes down to it God never has 100% of this generations attention. Even as we sit and pray, or read The Word our minds are thinking about something else in the background (example: My television is on right now and my phone is buzzing from a text message, correction my phone is now ringing).

I must fight harder than ever to hear God’s instruction, because at any moment the wrong voice can speak and lead me into a place God never intended for me to be in.
— Alexa Gabrielle

I love technology and the internet. If it wasn't for the internet I wouldn't have this website or have been able to meet so many amazing people. The problem lies in learning to balance it all and not allowing my time to be consumed in communication other than with God. I challenge you all to reflect on how you spend your days and where your mind is 90% of the time. Are you always thinking of more than one thing, or do you sit still and listen long enough to hear God's voice over all other chatter. 

There is a fight to unplug but I am willing to fight back and regain control over my thoughts and actions. Are you?

What 24 Has Taught Me

Hola Beauties, 

Can you believe that August is almost over already?! This is absolutely blowing my mind, 2016 is just flying by. September is right around the corner - with September (9) comes my 25th birthday. Y'ALL I'M GOING TO BE 25. Oh my!! I remember being a teenager and saying "I can't wait until I'm 18" then after 18 "I can't wait until I am 21" and now .. dun dun dun HELLO 25. 

Twenty-Four was filled with so many amazing times but also a lot of hardship as well. So as I come to the end of this season and walk into 25 I thought I would share some of the things 24 has taught me.

  • Be Open minded: God completely shifted my mindset over the past year. He has been working on me thinking outside of the box and not always taking things so literal.
  • God is faithful: I must say this again GOD IS FAITHFUL. He has been my rock in every trying time over the past year and he is a SOLID FOUNDATION.
  • God is my provider: Earlier this year God moved me out of my full time job, into a season with him and now to a part time job. There was a big drop in my income and although I was afraid at times that I would drown he kept me afloat and taught me so much within these times. 
  • I am stronger than I allow myself to be
  • My time is now
  • I am still a work in progress: waiting on perfection will cause me to never become who God called me to be.
  • Breathe, let go and trust God.
  • DON'T GIVE UP!! 

As I am led I will go more in depth on these various lessons/ realizations (I have done so with some topics already). With every high and low that this past year has brought I can say that 24 required a lot of growth from me and that's what I did. I can always look back at 24 and see it as the cannon that launched me into my future. 

SO HERE IS TO 25. MAY YOU BE ANOTHER YEAR OF LEARNING, GROWING AND GAINING OF WISDOM. MAY YOU TEACH ME ALL THAT NEEDS TO BE TAUGHT NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCES AND MAY I WALK IN THE AUTHORITY THAT 24 BESTOWED UPON ME. 

L E T S . D O . T H I S .  

Things I Would Regret Not Doing in My 20's.

This September I will be turning 25 (aaah did I just say 25. Typing this makes me want to hyperventilate). It's crazy to know that my 20's are almost half way over. While watching TV the other day I began to think about all the things that I haven't done but want to do. As I continued to think I asked myself "Lex what is stopping you?!" .. What is stopping me? 

M Y S E L F!! 

So I have made a promise to myself that I will try my best to accomplish all of these things before I am 30. EEEH, scratch the "try", I WILL accomplish these things. 


And the list goes a little sumthin like this: 

  • Make time for travel twice a year.
  • Save money
  • Experiment with fashion/style
  • Make VirtuousBeautyXO.com everything I envision it to be
  • Start the business God has placed on my heart
  • Become a healthier me (spiritually, mentally, financially)
  • Read a new book every month
  • Find out what my TRUE purpose and assingment is in Christ
  • Donate to a great organization [X]
  • Take a missions trip
  • Do something that scares me (sky diving, zip lining, sears tower in Chicago.. as you can tell I am afraid of free falling :\ )
  • Learn caligraphy
  • Emotion control 
  • Build lifelong friendships
  • Become 100% DEBT free. 
  • Travel to Europe

 As I discover more ventures this list will update and as I accomplish these things I will check them off. I'm so excited to begin doing these things and see how far I get within the next year.

What are some of the things you would regret not doing before your 30th birthday? And if you are already in your 30's/40's etc. then what did you regret not doing?

Life with Lex!

Well if you have made it this far you will know by now that my name is Alexa Gabrielle. You may also know that as I write this I am 24. I currently reside in Ohio and am still figuring out exactly who lex is. See, I thought I had it all figured out but I guess I was wrong. 

Isn’t it fascinating how God continuously transforms you. Just when you thought you had it all figured out once and for all he shakes everything up and you are left with the task of learning yourself all over again.

I have been "learning and relearning" myself since February 2014. You would think after two years I would know by now. I know who I am through Christ and I know what he wants to do through me -- I also know that there are some untouched places in my life that I have yet to uncover. 


So, I invite you to come along this journey with me as I navigate through my mid twenties. Posts can range from me just pouring out my heart/frustrations, my journey in becoming debt free, and whatever other surprises I encounter along the way. 

Do life with me (Lex) as I do life with God